


Going Into Ourselves

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Series: Only Death [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Natasha Romanoff - Freeform, mentions of Loki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5493884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helena has much to learn, still. Hel is just <i>bored.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Into Ourselves

The river flowed swiftly, shadows moving in its depths. It was impossible to tell how deep the river was or what kind of creature made those shadows beneath the water. The fog curled around the riverbanks, hovered over the water itself. Everything tasted of magic.

Helena knelt at the riverbank and dipped her fingers into it. The water was frigid, almost painfully so, but she smiled faintly. She could feel the flow of life in the water, the creatures shifting about. Not all of them were souls; there were few indigenous creatures to Helheim, and some of them were here. The former Hel had assured her that the ability to absorb lives didn't mean that she _had_ to absorb them. She could simply use it to sense souls and lives around her, without actually touching them.

The former Hel, as if summoned, seemed to appear in the water near Helena's fingertips. "My daughter is not like me," she said quietly. "The things I valued are not important to her. She craves power, but holds no value on romance or attachments. We are all means to an end. She can be quite cruel, too. I believe she gets that from her father, though he had no influence over her." The woman sighed and lifted her shoulders in an elegant shrug. "Though you have no genetic link to me, I believe you are closer in spirit to my way of doing things."

"Should I call you Grandmother, then? Or something different?"

The former Hel laughed. "My only other name had been Helena, which is yours now. There had never been three generations of Hel alive at the same time."

"Technically, you're not alive," Helena pointed out.

"This is true," she acknowledged.

"I will call you Helaine."

"Amusing," Helaine replied, with a smile. For a moment, her appearance shimmered in the water and Helena was alone at the riverbank. 

Helena panicked, not knowing what was going on. This was her grandmother, for all intents and purposes, and the only one trying to help with anything. Oh, the gargoyles were somewhat helpful, but only gave answers to questions asked. They didn't offer extra. Their loyalty was to the realm, not to Helena.

When her form finally solidified again, Helaine appeared older and weaker. She lifted a hand to quiet Helena's panic. "Hel draws power from the Runestaff."

"Why?" Helena asked, eyes widening in surprise. "What would she need that for?"

"I don't know. I couldn't feel her intent."

Helena pressed her lips together. "Hel doesn't know you exist. The seers all kept it from her, because she would have said _something_ about you."

"Do you know that?" Helaine asked, lips twisted in a wry smile.

"No. She's hardly the sharing type. But I would have gathered _something_ about it. Like she mentioned her seers, though I've never seen them. Most are woven into her web, but I know there are some able to move around and leave it. The ones she trusts, anyway." Helena bit her lip a little uncertainly. "They're the ones that told you to hide in the Runestaff. They're the ones that warned you about what would happen."

"As I discovered to my cost," Helaine said heavily, "they do tell the truth."

"They told you what to expect."

"Yes, they did."

"Did they tell you about me?"

"Just about the darkness coming. That I had to survive to prevent it from growing too much. That otherwise, Helheim could be destroyed."

"And you think I'm the darkness."

"Aren't you? The one born from the heart of the World Destroyer?"

The title bothered Helena more than she wanted to admit, and she wasn't sure if Helaine would know that. Instead, she yanked her hand out of the river and stood. "I'm not a destroyer myself, not as Selene was. I've found her victims. I know what she was capable of."

"As are you, if pushed," Helaine responded before her visage faded into nothingness.

True. But Helena was only interested in her own survival. She had no desire to destroy the lives of mortals for her own ends or to twist and reshape realms to her bidding. She wasn't like Hel in that respect, at least. It had to count for something.

***

Hel was bored.

Oh, she would never admit to such a base and useless emotion even when pressed. The dead had been interesting for a time. Then she had fixed her gaze on the living, and found her male progenitor easily. He was a mess, still easy to manipulate. Her mother hadn't really manipulated him too much, actually; Loki willingly went to her bed in exchange for knowledge, and by all accounts her mother hadn't found the experience distasteful. He was a snarling ball of rage and frustrated magic, chaos that didn't know where to strike. A nudge sent him hurtling through the Void, where he tumbled into Thanos' grasp. The upstart was feared by most beings in the galaxy, but he was an idiot puppy in the grand scheme of things, grandiose and so full of self importance that it was sickening.

Remaining impervious to Thanos' fumbling attempts at courtship was an easy task. He was a fool to think that Death could be courted, that romance was worthwhile. Even the thought of his touch was foul and disgusting, and the thought of anything more with him turned her stomach. She gladly accepted his tribute of souls, entire worlds torn apart and dedicated to her name; in retrospect, taking the gifts had only encouraged him in his mad suit. Her distance and cool demeanor didn't deter him in the slightest, and only made him think she was playing hard to get.

He was repulsive, inside and out, and Hel wanted nothing to do with him. The fool didn't even know she was rejecting him, didn't realize she scorned his interest.

Focusing on her male progenitor and his mortal connections was amusing. Natasha Romanoff had her calculating streak, a coldness drilled into her from early childhood. Hel could spin through her _spá_ easily, saw the threads and patterns that wove in and out of her lifetime, could see the influence that others had.

"You'll want her," Cassandra had said on one of her few travels away from Hel's web. Hel had stripped away the part of Apollo's curse that had others disbelieving her prophecies; that was very annoying and highly unnecessary in her realm. Cassandra moved about as a robed ghost in Hel's halls or she was woven tightly into the web of seers. She didn't want much, at least; the shape her life had taken meant that in her afterlife she would rather not be noticed by anyone at all. Hel respected that, and let Cassandra keep her distance.

For Cassandra to leave the web and willingly seek out Hel for conversation was worth taking notice. And listening to what she had to say.

"Why is that?"

"She's important to him." Cassandra's voice was whisper soft, her hair flowing long and loose to her waist, her dress a simple white one as she had worn in life. She tilted her face toward Hel, no artifice at all in her. "He doesn't realize it yet, but their fates are bound together. She can smooth the edges in him, and she will be the one to turn him from his awful destiny."

Ragnarok. Burning Helheim to the ground.

"I see," Hel had said when Cassandra seemed to want an answer.

"There are important parts of her future where you will want to intervene," Cassandra continued. "Crossroads where she will have difficult choices to make, or where she could die before your use for her comes to fruition."

"Why would I have need of a mortal?" Hel scoffed.

Cassandra had only smiled at her serenely. "Oh, you'll like her, Hel."

Hel's expression darkened. "You know my thoughts on that romantic drivel—"

Cassandra had merely laughed and started to turn back toward the web. "And you know mine. No, you'll like her as a _person._ She's _interesting,_ Hel. I've seen her in my dreams, and she's fascinating. You'll be amused watching her."

The seer hadn't been wrong, of course. Hel had very much enjoyed watching Natasha Romanoff as her life progressed, and had been mightily amused to see her request a visit. She had no fear of death, no fear of Hel, and had a distinct sense of right and wrong. Oh, yes, she could temper Loki nicely, and stave off the boredom inherent in a smoothly running realm.

There were few enough friends for Hel, and perhaps she could have counted Natasha as one of them. Perhaps some of the seers. But truly, they were all tools when it came down to it, all means to an end. Hel wanted more than what she had in Helheim, couldn't understand why her mother had been so content managing the souls in the realm. It was _boring,_ it was fruitless, it led to nothing. Hel had immense power in her realm, and had impossible levels of magic compared to practitioners of other realms. But it didn't feel like enough, and she had nothing to fill that vast emptiness with.

When the seers began to whisper of powerful items emerging in the galaxy, Hel had to smile and take notice. Oh yes, there was finally something worth her interest. The power stones, the Essine Ruby, Amora's rings of power, Selene Gallio herself...

She had to have them, no matter the cost. They were _interesting,_ and she liked collecting interesting things. She liked knowing she had something others didn't.

Thanos of course was easy to manipulate. He wanted the power they possessed, thinking it would court Hel and he could finally be wed to Lady Death. The thought was repulsive, but she simply smiled at his obeisance and intimated that dreams would come true if he possessed all of the power stones and gave her the Infinity Gauntlet. That he was a fool didn't matter. He would willingly give it to her as a wedding gift, and he would meet the death he so craved. Thanos was of no consequence to her. The empire he wanted to build was nothing in the face of the realm she controlled, all the souls drifting and feeding her power levels.

Of course Loki would try to take apart the Essine Ruby and filter out some of its power for himself. So absorbed in his task, he didn't even notice when she reached through him to take some of that power for herself. It was so tasty, tinged with the essence of the various magical creatures that had been locked inside of its prison dimension. Hel curled her tongue around it, savoring the flavors inherent in the magic, feeling it sink inside of her skin, fuse to the core of her own magic.

She had to have more of it.

The rings disappeared while she wasn't looking, and Hel frowned. How had Loki managed that task? He was a fool, a baby at magic in comparison to all the wonders that she knew. How had he slipped her notice?

Descending to the web of seers hadn't helped. Their whispers didn't reveal its location, though no doubt they knew exactly where they were. "The Trickster hides things from us," Mimir claimed, lips drawn back in a grimace. "He masks our sight."

Lies. They had to be lies. How could Loki hide things from seers?

But he wouldn't be able to help himself. Sooner or later, those rings would come back into play, and she would obtain them. She could break them apart, siphon off their power, or simply play with them and see what she could make them do. Amora crafted such pretty baubles, something that she ordinarily wouldn't have been able to do. But perhaps there had been influences on her, the notice of various beings in the universe that found her amusing. Remnants of various Eternals and Celestials were all over the galaxy, and Hel wouldn't have been surprised if one of their spirits had latched onto Amora.

There was some backlash when Amora died. When _Natasha Romanoff_ killed her, and Hel had wanted to laugh. Cassandra had been right, of course. There she was again, in the thick of things, just where Hel wanted to pay attention, and then again, with a torrent of souls being sent to Helheim. Natasha was her creature, without a doubt, and Hel could afford to be generous to her. Why not give her something nice? Why not be magnanimous while she could?

Thanos beckoned from across the galaxy, a broken body beneath his feet his latest offering. "My love," he intoned, lips curling into a smile. "I have made my children into fearsome warriors to send you more gifts of the dead. I have broken a Santoran," he added, nudging the mess at his feet, grinning widely. "Their disdain for your power is well known."

Hel bit back a frustrated sigh. Was that all? One Santoran? How pathetic.

Hel reached out to grasp the threads of _spá_ still clinging to the mangled body. Her lips curled in disdain as she pulled them to her. Such a fragile creature, and Thanos thought that this was a worthy gift to her?

The smile on his face faltered when the disgusted curl of her lip didn't fade as she drew the life energy into herself. "Was this not appropriate, my love?"

"This was a useless endeavor. This creature was so wretched that ending its life was a favor."

Coming closer, Thanos reached out for her. Perhaps he thought it was an endearing look. Hel stepped back instinctively, recoiling from his proposed touch.

His hand dropped, and the expression on his face hardened. "You're absolutely right, my darling Lady Death," he said. His nod was sharp and stiff. "It was a gift unworthy of your favor. A single Santoran would pale in the face of other gifts I had bestowed upon you. If I cannot prove that I am fit to be your consort, I..." His voice faltered and he turned away from her.

There was power in this, too, but it was a power that Hel did not appreciate.

"Have you the Infinity stones?" Hel asked archly. "You promised me such a trinket."

"I will give you the corpse of a Celestial," Thanos declared, turning around. The look on his face was still one of fanatic fervor. Hel repressed the urge to sigh and stamp her foot in aggravation. Did he simply not understand? That kind of gift was _boring._

But she regally nodded and extended her hand for Thanos to kiss. "I suppose that will have to do," she told him with a sigh.

Thanos kissed the back of her hand and smiled at her, something that he likely thought was charming and winsome. It made her want to shudder in revulsion. "Oh, it's just a start, my love. I know just the Celestial to take apart. There will be such magic for you to devour, such souls to add to your coffers."

"From one Celestial?" Hel asked in disbelief, taking back her hand.

"This Celestial happens to be Wyse."

"The realm of Wyse?" Hel asked in surprise. Perhaps she shouldn't have discounted his intelligence quite so much.

"The one and the same," Thanos replied proudly. "You will feast on his heart and take on the souls of his people."

"Then let it be so." Hel's smile was cold and cruel, the kind that usually made others cower in fear. Thanos merely preened, taking it as praise for his efforts.

He was a fool, but Thanos had some uses after all.

***

Helena watched the stone gargoyles leap down off of their pillars on the other side of the Lethe River. She couldn't help but smile as she watched them move gracefully, stone talons goucging into the ground. "Looking good, guys!" she called out.

 _Take a swim,_ they taunted, nodding toward the river. _It won't affect you._

"Likely story," she called out. "Even Hel doesn't touch those waters."

 _No, she doesn't,_ they admitted. Their stone mouths stretched wide into a smile. _I'm surprised you didn't fall for that. Many of the souls here do._

"I suppose I have started getting a feel for the place."

_Or your grandmother has taught you more than you realize._

Looking up sharply, Helena stared at them with narrowed eyes. "What do you know about it?" she asked, a dark edge to her voice. In an instant, she leapt across the river and towered over the pair of gargoyles. "Should I regret letting you loose?"

 _We are tied to the magic of Helheim,_ one of the gargoyles began, no fear in its tone at all. _Of course we can feel the ebb and flow. Of course we feel when your grandmother goes to your side and recedes._

Helena frowned. "And Hel? Does she know this?"

_Why should she deign to notice? There are so many things that ebb and flow, and she takes leave of the realm at whim. She isn't here now, either._

She hadn't realized that, of course. She was still learning the shape of her magic, her limits and where they were. "Where did she go?"

 _Elsewhere,_ one of the gargoyles replied dismissively. _In the company of Thanos, I believe,_ the other added.

"Thanos?"

So the gargoyles told her of the mad titan, of the obsessive interest he had taken in Hel and sought to win her favor with gifts of dead realms and countless souls to swell the ranks and her power. At no point did Hel ever intend to return his affections.

"What sort of man is he?" Helena asked musingly.

_The kind mortals would think twice about crossing. All who challenge him have died._

One gargoyle cleared its throat. _Correction._ Most _have died. There are fair few who have persisted in defying his will. Some weren't even maimed._

That told her nothing about his personality. It told her nothing about why he would be so enamored with her mother, why her mother would be so dismissive of his affections. Then again, she had never been affectionate with anyone. Even Helaine had tried to smile and touch her, hug her as her spirit gathered strength. Helaine had been the kind to like attachments to others, the kind to feel the need for companionship. Hel was not.

"I wonder if I could meet him."

The gargoyles were startled at her musing tone. _But you need to learn about your magic._

She had been starting to wonder if Helaine would want to be absorbed into her, if that would be easier to mold her magic and teach her what to do. It was a terrifying thought, not one she really wanted to verbalize just yet.

"Or maybe just meet with Hel. See if she'll talk to me."

 _She has specifically denied that,_ the gargoyles told her. _She has no wish to engage with you, or to even see you. You are to learn on your own, as she did._

"Because her mother was dead, or whatever. Not because Helaine wasn't willing to."

_Hel was quite adamant. You exist. You will learn on your own. She will not do anything to interfere with that, and will not allow you to be close to her._

Was that because of tradition, or because Hel thought Helena would try to absorb her?

This was useless conjecture. "I want to learn different kinds of magic. So what magicians here are available?" Helena demanded of the gargoyles.

_Just call them to you, and they will come. All in the realm, if you wish it._

Really? That was rather interesting. And something she should have thought of herself.

"Well, then, let's begin," Helena murmured, facing the field behind the gargoyles. Souls seemed to swell and approach, and she could see the air of magic around them. Somehow, she knew most of their names, instinct perhaps. Magic calling to magic.

Looking over their expectant faces, Helena offered a grimace of a smile. "Well, then. Looks like we're all here. Let's see what I can do."

***

Hel stalked through the halls of her castle, down the twisting spiral stairs that would send her to the heart of the castle, the room with her web of seers and the Runestaff itself. She was feeling unsettled; Thanos touching her arm made her feel ill and revolted to the point she almost wanted to set herself on fire. In fact, setting one at the thought seemed to help take the edge off the irritability. It burned through the layers of her dress, the spelled runes and threads consumed almost instantly. She continued to walk through the halls, naked and pale as any dead body lying in a grave, fire dancing along her skin.

"Interesting choice of attire, milady," 

Hel rolled her eyes when she saw Vorozheia smirking at her. She was the original wise woman of the Russian steppes, the one that eventually gave rise to the term used for female folk healers and fortunetellers. Her magic tended to be in the form of salt and soaps, cards and influence spells; her magic had been strong, but time had corrupted her name into simple folk magic to lessen the domestic abuse rampant between spouses or masters and serfs. Vorozheia hadn't minded it, as she had never been fond of violence in any form.

"What do you want?" Hel snapped. Vorozheia rarely spoke with her, out of all the seers that often sought refuge in the webs.

The seer smiled, lips drawn back to reveal razor sharp teeth. In all her time as Queen, Hel had never seen Vorozheia smile. "There are other ways of dealing with Thanos."

"I want the gauntlet with the Infinity Stones. So I will play the role a while longer."

"There is Helena."

"She's an infant."

"And therefore not someone that would truly challenge you. But it would occupy them both, and you would not be so irate following his visits."

Narrowing her eyes at Vorozheia, Hel stalked forward and grasped the seer by the throat, her straggly white hair falling off of her shoulders. "What do you see?" She tightened her hand a fraction, drawing her own lips back in a sneer. "What games do you think you can play with me, Vorozheia? You are mine to command."

"Yes, I am. And your ire is known. Do you really think the others would wish to speak with you in such a state? Don't you think they fear your displeasure?"

Hel tossed Vorozheia aside. As her arm fell to her side, the flames along her skin snuffed out, and threads winked into existence, weaving over her body to form a dress of deep inky black, speckled with glittering silver in the shape of runes and constellations.

"What do you gain from this, Vorozheia?" Hel asked, voice full of power.

"Peace. That's all any of us want. Peace within the realm, ceasing the fires of your anger."

The truth was easy to sense in her words, so Hel eased her stance slightly. "I will think on that," she told Vorozheia in grave tones.

Sweeping past her, Hel headed for the Runestaff. She wanted to touch that power and settle herself down. Being there and feeling its magic reminded her of her mother's calm, and she really needed that now.

***

"We're running out of time," Helaine whispered to Helena.

"What do you mean?" Helena asked, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her grandmother had corrupted her image, leaving her staring at Helaine. "I thought I could learn—"

"She keeps coming to the Runestaff. I heard one of the seers tell her to use you to distract Thanos from coming to her so much."

"Which means?" Helena asked, stepping away from the mirror, growing horror inside of her chest. She knew what Helaine was going to say. She didn't want to hear it.

Helaine reached out of the mirror, stretching the silvered glass as if it was no more than saran wrap over a Tupperware container. "You know what you need to do."

"I can't. You can't ask this of me just yet..."

"If not now, it'll never happen. I'm losing cohesion, Helena. If I'm not a distinct consciousness, I will simply fuse to the Runestaff and be nothing but dissipated magic. That cannot happen. I cannot be lost to time and space. I cannot teach you that way!"

She shook, trying to back away from the glass. Helena wasn't even aware she was crying until she felt the glass fingers stroking them from her cheeks. "I can't," she whimpered. "Please don't make me. I still feel the cooper in my head. All those memories, all those fears, everything, and I don't want to kill you..."

"It's either Hel or you, Helena. And we both know who I'd rather choose."

"Not like this," Helena pleaded, still shaking.

"I won't be Helaine much longer." That got Helena turning back to look at the impossible reflection in front of her. The glass was stretched in front of her, an arm five feet long, slender fingers at least seven or eight inches and far too thin. Helaine's expression was one of fierce determination and desperation. "I don't want to force you. All of Helheim knows that I am not the kind of monster to force little girls to do things they don't want to do. But you aren't ready to take her on, and you aren't ready to rule Helheim. You've barely scratched the surface of what you can do, and I won't leave you to Hel's cruelties. She'd more than likely devour you than you harming her."

Helena's lips wavered. "But then I'll be alone. I can't trust the others here. No one else knows..."

"Melampus of Pylos and Väinämöinen will eagerly help you. They trained Karmila of Asgard, that mad Amora the Enchantress, Loki of Asgard and Frigga of Asgard. They have no love for Helheim or any of the magicks that Hel would think she has dominion over."

"I'll miss you," Helena whispered.

"No, you won't," Helaine promised. "I'll be with you, right when you need me."

Eyes falling closed, Helena grasped the silvery fingers and hand, then _pulled_ at the magic inside. It felt like Helaine, like age and knowledge and power, tasting like fragments of the Runestaff and history. It was a shard of Helheim itself getting buried inside of her, fusing to the core of what she was, whatever Hel had made her to be.

When she opened her eyes, the mirror was perfectly smooth, five feet in front of her and reflecting her own image back at her. Helaine was gone.

 _But not forgotten,_ Helaine whispered inside Helena's mind. It felt like a snake was lying coiled among the sulci and gyri of her brain. _I'm here now. With you, part of you, and not destroyed. You have more control over this than you think you do._

Helena stepped closer to the mirror and saw a subtle change in her reflection, mostly around the eyes. Those were Helaine's eyes.

And when she smiled, that was Helaine's smile, too.

Suddenly, it didn't feel quite so lonely in Helheim.

The End


End file.
